Life After Loss: Navigating Family Dynamics and the Role of the Stepparent

Elderly Stepparent with Stepchildren

https://youtu.be/WP2_QDSWbPU

Families encounter an infinite number of situations after a loved one dies. The surviving family must reorganize and create a new structure that works for everyone involved. One unique situation is figuring out how a stepparent fits into the new paradigm.

A stepparent has entered an existing family and has special challenges and opportunities. Building relationships with their spouse’s family can be tricky and uneven. These relationships are tested once a natural parent dies.

Mourning Period

Grieving is a time to adjust to the loss of a loved one. A surviving stepparent is sad, alone, and maybe thinking of their mortality. Security and their future become priorities as they age, making starting over less feasible.

It is a time when fear of the future is possible. The final wishes of their deceased spouse are essential because their physical support is no longer available. This is when extended family relationships become more prominent.

Mutual mourning adds a common element to the family's new world, but this is when the strength or weakness of the relationship with the stepparent is tested. Each situation is unique, but some common issues can surface. One of them is the circumstances of how and when the stepparent entered the family.

The conditions range from a sense of welcoming to outrage by the children. These situations include the age of the children when the stepparent arrives in their lives. A stepparent entering early in the child's life is much different than when older children are involved.

Sometimes children feel their loyalty to a surviving divorced natural parent must diminish the importance of a surviving stepparent. The opposite case can be true if the divorced spouse is the natural surviving parent but was not revered by their children. The personality, demeanor, and the positive or negative behavior of the stepparent is a factor in this new family equation.

Settling Scores

When a stepparent is alone and no longer has the “shield” of their spouse to intervene problems from stepchildren can come to the forefront. The family can split between the stepparent and the children of the deceased spouse. This represents a worst-case scenario as it is not uncommon for either the stepparent to sever their relationship with the children or for the children to do so.

Issues for the split may be purely emotional, but it is not surprising when the distribution of assets is the primary cause. A trust document or will may not solve the problem because these can be challenged. A greedy or scared party can exert heavy-handed pressure to completely shut out the stepparent or the children.

The situation may warrant a heavy-handed outcome, and severing relationships can be the best thing for everyone concerned. This is when new chapters of a family are created, and people move on from each other. New chapters in a family’s history may be the only option to bring peace.

This scenario is not unique to stepparents. It can happen when two natural parents have passed away, and siblings simply cannot compromise and solve issues between them.

Stepping Up

An isolated stepparent may have to make their own arrangements for their future, but when a stepchild or another individual steps up and takes an interest in the stepparents’ well-being, it can make a significant difference. This is, of course, if the stepparent is willing to accept their help. An open-minded stepparent and a caring individual, stepchildren or child can keep a family together and share in their memories about their mutually loved one and their lives with each other.

The fair distribution of assets within the family is to be encouraged.  The situation dictates the best outcome by using positive virtues. A spiritual life, being magnanimous, compassionate, fair, forgiving, and loving, can do a lot to help in the grieving process and improve the survivors' lives.

Real Solutions

There are many horror stories about families becoming split after a parent dies because of estate issues. When a stepparent is involved, the complications of a parent’s estate are accentuated if the parties are not careful. Many people call upon psychics and mediums to help solve problems, but they can only read the energy of the moment, and it is subject to change. The legal process can solve legal issues, but it cannot guarantee that emotional scars will not be permanent.

The solutions to these types of issues remain with the people involved. In a problematic situation, each person needs to examine their consciousness and use their values for the highest good. A spiritual perspective is essential, along with virtuous behavior by all parties, which will go a long way in creating a positive environment for the future.

John Cappello is a practicing psychic medium and author of the book Open the Mind Heal the Heart, which is a metaphysical viewpoint on grief and healing. For more information about John and his work, go to www.johncappello.com.