The decision to marry is not an easy one for serious individuals because it involves making a life-long commitment to a lifestyle that is unknown. Marriage takes two people who are dedicated to making the union last. However, changing circumstances and overwhelming obstacles create doubts about the partnership lasting. If you find your marriage has reached an impasse, you may be evaluating whether you should divorce or not.
Issues in Marriage
Reasons to Leave
Marriages end for a variety of reasons such as money, sex, in-laws, or a third-party influence. Some people outgrow their partner and do not feel they are getting anything out of their marriage. If another person comes into one of the partner’s life who they believe is better suited for them, a divorce could be imminent. Any of these issues can supersede the reasons to stay in a marriage and weighing their influence on your union is individual.
Reasons to Stay
Pride and the commitment to the bond of marriage are reasons some people stay in a bad marriage. The choice to be miserable and accept a difficult atmosphere may feel better than the alternative of being single and starting over. Financial considerations may be overwhelming as well.
The welfare of children can be a reason to stay in a marriage or to leave one depending upon the situation. Finally, abuse, addictive behavior, and low self-esteem are often overlooked by people who value their marriage more than their own personal welfare and can cloud healthy decision making.
The issues in a marriage are numerous and weighing their influence on a union is difficult.
If you are deliberating whether your marriage is worth saving, you may want to create an evaluation process. The process should not be cavalier. It needs to be exhaustive because a divorce has consequences that not only affect your partner and you but could affect innocent individuals as well.
The Evaluation Process
Deliberating about ending a marriage begins with where you are in the situation. If you were happy, you would not be considering a divorce, so you must explore the reasons why in the beginning. It is best to talk to your partner, let them know your feelings, and find out their reaction.
Your partner may be sympathetic, which is the best scenario, because they are willing to work with you to make both of your lives better. Furthermore, you might discover that they silently had many of the same concerns. However, if your partner is dismissive or uncaring about your needs, you may have identified one of the critical areas of the crisis in your marriage.
Self-examination and communication with your partner are essentials in a good marriage, but they are also paramount in one that could be ending. Determining your role in problems is important and discussing matters openly will help in sorting things out. Playing the “blame” game is not part of this process, so it must be avoided for you to make progress.
It is worth considering couples counseling since getting another perspective in an environment outside of the home can be beneficial. A neutral party will help identify areas where both parties can improve. In contrast, counseling may help you realize the marriage is not savable. This can be a good thing, too! Either way, it helps you see your situation more clearly.
Your evaluation may involve a list of pluses and minuses of staying or divorcing. It can involve your tolerance level of the issues that you feel are causing problems in your marriage. What are you getting out of your marriage? If you are resigned to cope with issues that are causing distress, you may decide to stay. If not, your decision can be made to divorce.
It is not uncommon to “target” the timing for a divorce to take full advantage of a financial gain or wait until the kids are grown. There are some who divorce a spouse who is chronically or terminally ill because they were so mean to them during the marriage. Providing long-term care for them seems unbearable.
Love and its bond are important in a marriage. However, you also want to consider whether you like your spouse. Finally, ask yourself if you respect your spouse. Respect is paramount for a lasting union.
Visualizing your life after a divorce is part of your evaluation. Will you be better off without your spouse? The decision is simple if your conclusion is, “Yes.”
Ingredients of a Good Marriage
The decision to divorce and its impact is big! Starting over and abandoning the hopes and dreams of a marriage you entered can take years to overcome. Some people never marry again because their psyche has been disrupted. Some find their true partner in a second, third, or fourth marriage. Your decision to divorce may include whether you feel there exists a possibility of recapturing the magic that caused you to marry in the first place.
Relationships change and evolve over time, so it is unrealistic to expect the kind of rush you felt in your relationship when it was new. However, rediscovering the fairytale feeling you enjoyed before you married or in the beginning of it can help save your partnership. It should be part of the evaluation process. The joy you once had and the sense of fulfillment your marriage gave you can be lost unnecessarily if a divorce is sought prematurely.
Many couples find each other again after a divorce because they were hasty, but this is an expensive exercise to undertake, financially and emotionally. However, relationships are tricky, so if living away from each other means you start to appreciate the lifestyle you once had, it may be worth it.
When a marriage goes “wrong” and the decision to divorce is considered, it needs to be done carefully. Creating a positive exit from a marriage can be crucial for your success afterward but giving the marriage another chance should be considered as well. A decision to divorce should be exhaustive, but it does not have to be lengthy.
Your partner and you must decide if you are willing to do the work to overcome obstacles and find resolutions. Are you both willing to set aside some of your ego? Can you communicate and seek common ground when possible?
Marriage is often not easy, but the rewards it can bring are priceless. A life together with someone is an exploration of personal growth, stability, and accomplishment. Shared memories of a happy marriage are long lasting and are carried over to others around you because of your example.
Evaluate the situation by being honest with yourself and your partner. Be sure to communicate your issues and seek help if your partner is willing. Saving a marriage is worth it if both parties are willing to work on it. If not, then divorcing could be the best solution.
Believe it or not, psychics and mediums encounter these issues from people on a regular basis. Consulting a psychic is often a last resort, but it is one that is an option before deciding to leave a marriage. Psychics are not professional counselors, but they can offer some insight for solutions.
You deserve a happy life, and a good marriage can give you that. If you are at the point of wondering whether you should divorce or stay, you need to consider your options. Life is not easy in the good times, but when challenges arise, it is even harder. Ultimately, you must decide whether you love your partner and if you love each other enough to work things out.
John Cappello is a practicing psychic medium from Texas. For more information or to book a reading, go to www.johncappello.com.