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What are the Rules for Contacting Loved Ones Who Have Passed On

Updated: Aug 23, 2021

The loss of a loved one is a life changing event, so when we lose a precious person in our life, we turn to our belief system to help us cope. Our society believes in the continuity of life and that our souls continue after our bodies no longer support them. Our acceptance in the afterlife helps us endure a loss, but we still often want proof that our loved one made it safely through the death process and into the Spirit World.

At a time when we desire to reach our loved one is when we question the rules of communication. Is it truly our loved one trying to make contact? Is it another entity with negative intentions signaling us because we are open to contact? Is this real at all or simply imagination? The truth of the matter boils down to the individual because there are no set rules on contacting those who are in Spirit.

Your Belief System

There are many factors that must be considered when giving guidance regarding spirit contact. The best answer may be, “It depends on who you are talking to about it.” Factors such as religious belief systems, culture, circumstances of death, the person in spirit, and the openness of the loved one who remains in the living all need to be considered and may be contribute to different responses.

Religious factors and other belief systems often provide rules for just about every area of life and the afterlife. The rigidity, flexibility of the group, or the dogma of any given faith system may dictate when or whether a person can ever communicate with those on the other side. There are those who claim that communicating with the dead is dangerous because you cannot be sure that you are not communicating with an evil entity.

Some belief systems promote a 40-day rule that states it takes time for a spirit to acclimate to their new surroundings. Others may claim it takes up to a year. Some claim they can immediately communicate with those who have left the earthly plane.

Cultural standards are much the same as religious ones. For some, there may be rituals or signs that indicate that a crossed-over loved one is communicating from the spirit world. For other cultures, people believe that spirits never communicate with loved ones they have left because they have moved to another life in the spiritual plane. Other cultures believe there is no afterlife at all.


In metaphysics, you can say the rules of openness, patience, sensitivity, and belief in the afterlife allow you to recognize spirit communication. Metaphysics enables you to explore and verify to your own satisfaction whether a loved one in spirit has communicated with you. You may have your own rules that satisfy your curiosity and want to keep them private.

Sometimes, the circumstances of death determine when a person tries to communicate with people in the living. This can vary as well, but generally people who pass away from natural causes are easiest to communicate with soon after death. It may be that these people are prepared for death and make their transition more easily (if that is possible).

Accidents and accidental suicides may delay a person communicating with the living. These people often are surprised they have passed away and may take some time getting acclimated. It is just an observation, but it appears to have some validity.

Violent deaths such as murders may have unknown factors that make those in spirit hesitant to communicate with people left behind.

Sometimes, people who have committed suicide are reluctant to show signs of surviving the death experience. These people may have issues they do not want to discuss or reveal to loved ones.

You may notice that one loved one brings in another one when you receive an impression from the spirit world. The connection, circumstance, and situation can vary. There is simply no straight and succinct answer that you can be given. It is best to be open minded and pay attention.

It should be noted that when we pass away, we retain a lot of our personality and perspective. We retain our freedom of choice and can choose whether we want to talk to our loved ones or not. The afterlife is a place of rest, reflection, restoration, and peace. It is our choice if we want to interrupt our time in the new space we call, the afterlife.

Signs from a Loved One

It is critical that the person who has lost a loved one is open to receiving messages from them. If a person is open, they may feel their loved one immediately after death. They may sense a peace that is gained after the death experience. In the case of an illness, a person may feel their loved one has conquered the illness responsible for the pain they felt during the final days of their life.

Some people believe they receive signs from their loved ones in a host of ways from turning lights on or off to malfunctions with electronic devices. Other signs are revealed by noticing common expressions on the radio, television, or internet. Dreams are also a common method of communication from those in spirit. Apparitions can be noticed in the form of a glowing light or the actual form of the loved one.

People may not just feel or see their loved one’s presence. They may hear their voice, just know they are there, notice a familiar fragrance, or sense the taste of a favorite food item. These impressions can range from being immediate or never depending on the openness of a surviving loved one.

Animals are not immune from noticing spirits either. You may notice them watching something in midair that is not evident to the human eye. It is thought they are seeing spirits, and they are communicating with them. You just trust they are communicating with a spirit!

If you are an atheist or a skeptic, you may not believe in communication at all. Your attitude is generally negative to spirit communication. You may not acknowledge signs that others readily accept and view them as just products of the imagination. Atheists and skeptics vary in their negativity, but usually they do not believe in messages from the spirit world regardless of the clarity.

Validation of Signs

If you believe you have received evidence of a spirit communicating with you, there may be an inclination to speak to a medium for validation. Verification and validating information are checks of your own sensitivities, and choosing a medium who you trust is one way of satisfying your need to know. It is important to choose your medium with some discretion because all of them have their range of sensitivity. Asking for recommendations is a good move for you if you go this route.

What to do Next

The choice of using a medium and receiving validation can be life altering. The validation of your loved one being in spirit and in a safe place is comforting. This type of communication can be an essential part of your healing from the grief of loss. It is reassuring that one day you will be reunited with your loved one.

What are the rules for communicating with Spirit

In conclusion, the rules for communicating with those who are in the spirit world are personal for you. It depends on your beliefs, openness, and willingness to pay attention to the world around you. Confirmation of a loved one communicating with you from the spirit world is priceless.

You can grow spiritually from your experience accepting information from your crossed-over loved ones. They continue to love you and want to be a part of your life. You should understand that rules do not matter, but sensing their presence and love does!

John Cappello has been a practicing psychic medium for over 25 years. For more information about his work go to his website at


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